Responding to Life-Or-Death Scenarios: Practice Makes Less Imperfect

I am a concealed carry supporter, but I am not a gun maniac. I am not terrified that Black Obama is going to take my gun away. If I move to a state where I am not permitted to own or carry a firearm, then so be it. I also believe in highly restrictive gun control that requires owners of firearms to go through more extensive drilling and psychological training than it takes to own and operate a car.

That said, I feel that it is abundantly clear that no matter how you look at it, simply carrying a firearm does not cut it when it comes to self defense. My first 15-20 page essay as an undergraduate was on the psychology of personal defense, whether it involved carrying and using a gun successfully or unarmed self defense. Whether you're a seasoned martial artist or a gun lover or a paintball player, it is extremely likely that if faced with a life-or-death scenario:
1) You will not be able to identify how to adequately respond without thousands of hours of realistic, hands on training [like boot camp, or direct experience with the real thing that you somehow are lucky enough to survive];
2) if you do know *technically* what to do, you will not be able to do it [like disarming an armed assailant, which you might have experience doing in a Taekwondo gym with a rubber gun]; or
3) if you are able to respond, you will probably fuck up and make a mistake [if you train martial arts, this is obvious: the notion that every time you do a drill something will be absolutely perfect is absurd].

In this video (which is 10 minutes but I highly suggest you watch despite its terrible title, and which was the reason that I wrote this long post in the first place) we see all of these mistakes:


One person can't get the gun out to respond, and he stands bolt-upright. Another can't aim accurately. Another almost shoots a classmate. And so on. The notion that simply owning a firearm and going to a shooting range and firing at a static target from 5-20 feet away, or even playing paintball (which is sort of quasi-realistic), could prepare a person for real-life combat is not sound. You have to constantly practice not just the physical situations of what you're likely to go through (for example, practicing drawing your firearm from where you would have it while sitting, standing, wearing a coat, going to the bathroom, and so on), but at least *consider* psychological scenarios.

On tumblr, twitter, facebook, and the general internetosphere a lot of folks say what they would have done differently in a given scenario, or what victims or bystanders should have done in those situations. But god damn you, none of us know exactly what we would do in one of these situations without hundreds or thousands of hours of physical and psychological training. You don't. YOU DON'T.

"Oh yeah, if I was carrying a gun, I would have shot the shooter." Would you have? Are you sure you would not have stood up as though firing at a paper target and been obliterated? Are you sure you wouldn't have accidentally fired upon a fellow student, or devolved to stormtrooper-like accuracy?

"Oh yeah, even if I didn't have a gun, I would have bum rushed the guy. There's so many of us and only one of him. The numbers would have been in our favor!" Shut up. No you wouldn't have. When under duress, your brain operates differently. Like they say in this video, you get tunnel vision, you only see the threat, and by the time you realize a person has a gun, you are probably just staring at the gun itself thinking "is this real?" while your body is being dissolved. Additionally, sacrificing your life is no laughing matter. You can say now that your momma bear instincts or whatever would kick in, but let's face it: that's easy to say right now in the safety of your living room, and you're probably reflexively claiming that *of course* you would do the honorable thing simply to save face.

I'm a new father, and of course I'm going to say "I would throw myself between my newborn baby and an assailant, or even fight the guy!," but I would more than likely, you know, assess the situation as best I could and determine the safest course of action. Can I run? Can I hide? Am I really in a situation to disarm this person?

The two most important lessons I learned while practicing Muay Thai were 1) Start where you are, and 2) if things are not going well, stop and reassess. You can't start from a self defense situation in the safety of your home, so saying you know what you would do to defend yourself (or others, which is a *different story entirely*) is ridiculous and unrealistic. When someone has a gun aimed at you but hasn't fired, consider that your options are compliance, flight, and fighting. Sometimes each of these works. Anyone who holds it against you for running or complying--and thus surviving or minimizing casualties--is a fool and not worth listening to.

Example. A few years ago, I was working at a grocery store. I was in the back of the store. An armed man entered the back and brandished his gun at me. The first things that happened: I saw the gun, and looked at his face. I already knew he had a gun and where it was. The second thing I did was felt a pang of pain where I knew the bullet would hit my body, and I thought to myself, "I really don't feel like dying today." So I complied and took him to the safe, which I could not open, and then he left in a huff. He did not shoot me. Now, maybe I could have disarmed, him, but not the way he was positioned; and furthermore, fumbling with an armed assailant in a public space where there are lots of people around was probably not a good idea, and could (would) have resulted in at least one injury.

After that, my coworkers said "Oh, I would have fought him" or "I would have disarmed him." One girl said "I would have told him 'nigga get your ass up outta here, I ain't givin you shit.'" But no. I think I made the right choice. If he was actively firing, maybe I would have acted differently. Maybe I would have been killed instantly. How would I know? It didn't happen.

So what I'm saying is: Life-or-death scenarios are a funny thing. It takes practice--physical drilling, a variety of realistic scenarios, and extensive psychological preparation and ethical considerations--to have even a simulation approaching a general idea of how you would respond. Owning and carrying a firearm is great, but it's just a certain type of tool for a certain type of job. Ultimately it's up to you to do your best with whatever tools you have, and damn the judgment of others when you know you did your best.

Spartan Training: Getting Strong and Growing Muscles

Let me preface this by saying that I am not a particularly hugetastic fellow.  I do not have blindingly gargantuan muscles and I am not ridiculously strong.  I am not cut like a well-paid actor from a Hollywood blockbuster.  But I am just a little tougher than most common folk.  I am so because I gruelingly figured out the rules, and they are frustratingly simple.  Now I use them almost everyday because they are minimal, easy, and manifested into my regular routine.  Spartan, one might say.

1. Train your fucking ass off.  Lift heavy shit, as heavy as you fucking can.  High intensity.  Compound movements.  No more than 5-8 repetitions per set, 3-5 sets.

2. Eat a lot of food.  Good whole foods.  Whole cuts of meat and whole plant matter.  Less than 5% of what you consume should come in a package (fresh meat excepting).

That's it.  But for fun, let me extrapolate.

Train your fucking ass off.

Nobody ever told me exactly how to weight train.  Nobody gave me a single universal formula on how to get big and strong and lean.  It took research, testing, and ongoing consultation to figure out what worked well for me.  And it's really simple, but requires willpower and routinization.  Ultimately, you have to find what works for your body and your goals, and there is no one thing that works for everybody.  That's why I'm opposed to homogenized and standardized training regimens like Crossfit, Insanity, etc.  And the only way to find what works for you is by giving yourself and your body time to adapt and transform.  You must, therefore, make time in your life to train.  No excuses.  If you don't make progress, it's because you're not being consistent.  No whining.  Sorry.

• Do weight training 3-4 times per week.  If you train 3 days per week, train something like Monday, Wednesday, Friday.  Four days, Monday-Tuesday Thursday-Friday.  The rest time for your muscles is crucial, so don't do something stupid like Monday=Chest Tuesday=Shoulders; do a split.
• Figure out your one-rep-maximum for your lifts and aim to increase them over time.  To do this, get a spotter and carefully, and with good form, determine the maximum amount of weight you can lift for a given movement 3-5 times (this is most reliable, and trying to actually lift your 1rm is insane, so don't do it).  Then use a calculator, like this one from exrx.net, to find out what your 1rm is by entering the weight you lifted and the number of times you lifted it.  On the exrx calculator, your 1rm will be at the top.  From there, you can figure out how much you out to be lifting for a given number of reps according to the percentage scale at the bottom of the calculator page, though for safety's sake I'd suggest reducing those weights by about 5% and slowly increasing them over time.
• Use a simple set-rep routine.  I've tried some things out, but I keep my compound lifts down to 1-6 reps nowadays and I rest for 2-5 minutes between sets.  Types of routines you can try are 5x5, 5/3/1 (which is ridiculously hard, so always have a spotter if you do it), or even 3x8 if you're having a tough week or don't have much time on your hands.  Don't do any of the P90X style stuff, where you have to do a dozen variations of one move like squats or pushups.  Just stick to the basics.

If you're a normy who only has a little bit of time three days a week to train, then here is the routine I suggest you do:

Monday:  Bench Press, Squats, Chin-Ups (slow and with full lockout; NO KIPPING)
Wednesday:  Deadlifts, Cable or Seated Row, Dips
Friday:  Overhead Press, Barbell Curl, Lunges or Leg Press

Note that if you're training three days a week then I suggest that you work every body part each training day.  But if you have time to train 4 days a week, like I do, then train one or two body parts per day, like this (choosing your preferable rep-set range, as discussed above):

Monday:  Legs (Squat, Leg Press, Hack Squat, Back Extension)
Tuesday:  Shoulders/Biceps (Standing Overhead Press, Arnold Press, Barbell Curl, Dumbell or Cable Curl)
Thursday:  Hamstrings and Back (Deadlift, Chin Up or Lat Pulldown, Seated Row, Shrugs)
Friday:  Chest and Triceps (Bench Press, Incline Press, Cable Extension, Dips)

There is no "train one day a week" routine that works.  That's madness and will only lead to injury and disappointment.  One does not become a Zen master by meditating on his first attempt, nor does he do so by sitting quietly once a month.  He becomes a Zen master by consistent exposure, rigorous practice (or perhaps consistent but mindful non-practice, if we really want to be realistic), and sticktoitiveness. 

Eat a lot of food.

A lot of people will talk about stoking your metabolism by eating twenty fingernail-sized meals per day, while others might espouse the glories of intermittent fasting or dietary fads.  It's simpler than that, though.

• Eat a lot of protein.  I prefer to (and must) eat meat, and I won't judge you if you're a vegan.  But you have to eat a lot of protein with every meal.  As for fat content, if you're aiming for weight gain (which is the boat I'm in), then it doesn't make too much of a difference.  I try to get about 40-60 grams of protein with my four daily meals.
• Eat good plant matter.  I don't eat bread, but feel free to.  I also only eat two plants:  Brown rice (at lunch) and sweet potatoes (at dinner).  Otherwise, I'm an all meat-and-milk guy.    If you choose to eat cereal (again, I won't judge you), then stick with plain oatmeal and fresh fruit and skip the styrofoamy GoLean garbage
• Make your own food as often as possible.  Processed meals, fast food, and products that end with "-Pocket", "-O's", or "-Tarts" tend to have useless shit in them.

I eat just about the same few things everyday, and I honestly do not get tired of it.  It gives me (gasp!) consistency and, for me, digests easily because I have dainty, prissy intestines that aren't fond of abrupt changes.  What are those meals?

Breakfast: Scrambled eggs with sausages
Lunch:  Brown rice and ground turkey
Pre-Dinner Nightmare:  A cup of Fage yogurt and a chicken breast.
Dinner:  Mashed sweet potato and ground beef

If you are so inclined, you can go ahead and look into the science of this whole matter.  Doctor Bojan Kostevski does a good job of this in his "Geek Fridays" posts.  He is fucking brilliant.  Find an article that works for you and find a way to apply it to your goals.  Kostevski galvanizes and makes sense of the details, but for me it can get a little overwhelming at times.

When it comes down to it, do you think bareknuckle boxers of old, Spartans, your farmer predecessors (who were totally ripped, by the way), or your slave ancestors worried about when they ate what, how frequently they trained, or whether they had their BCAAs before a day of backbreaking, potentially fatal labor?  They just lifted heavy shit and then ate as much as they could.  A simple, spartan training system is the best way to emulate the strength of our forebears.

The main factor, though, is willpower and routinization.  If you're constantly worried about little things--about how lean you look, about things outside of your training that are distracting, or if you needlessly introduce stress into your life--then this will be difficult.  Choose your priorities, simplify, and streamline your life to work around the things you want to be doing.  If training isn't your thing, then so be it; just be sure you've found a way to focus on what matters most to you.

Don't Be a Show Dog

Stop worrying about being skinnier than you are because you think you feel/look wrong.

Stop worrying about cutting fat or gaining muscle simply because you just want to fulfill somebody's idea of what constitutes physical attractiveness.

Don't look at magazines or watch TV shows and movies to get the idea of what body type is most aesthetically pleasing according to some council or group of people is, in fact, objectively optimal.

If you put yourself on stage because of your appearance, you will be poked and prodded, grabbed and judged.  You will be humiliated.

You wanted to look good not to make the world less horrible, or to help others, or to be strong enough to take on life's challenges.  But because you wanted to look nice for an audience who would judge you, nod, and move on.  Your strength and structure does not even need to have a functional purpose.

Don't be a show dog.  Show dogs are inbred filth, genetically modified to look cute and do virtually nothing.  They suffer a slew of physiological problems as a result of our want for something dawww adowable.  They live in agony, wheezing and limping because that's what a group of sad and lonely dog-obsessed people decided are the best traits for a type of creature to have.

This doberman (the only breed of dog that seriously scares the fucking Christ out of me) is molested, measured, practically choked, and made to do tricks.  Not for its well-being or for the sake of others, but for the prestige of its owner and a silly organization.

Likewise, humans have similar groups of people who make strict and harsh judgments as to what constitutes the ideal visual representation of strength and beauty.  Here, listen to a dude explain the weird ass rules of bodybuilding.  Keep in mind that they're a little trickier for women because they consider things like "is she so big that she looks 'unfeminine'?" and "is she too lean?" on top of the rules they have for guys.

Mutts, by contrast, have it all.  They aren't really a cuteness-heavy lot, and they don't make it into AKC shows.  They're not purebred, so they're of generally lower value, but that means they're free of useless responsibilities that are heaved on the unwilling shoulders of those beloved incestuous offspring.  They have more genetic variability, and thus fewer physiological problems.  By not preparing for shows, they have time to do things that dogs do best: Play, run like idiot maniacs, disobey, relax, and work to make the world a more livable place, god damn it.  If I may, mutts are more than museum exhibits under glass, they're here making life happen.

All while following newlyweds around beaches.

When do appearances matter?  As a symbol of your work and as an indicator of potential.  Not solely as the end you are seeking, but as a sign.  Cutting fat is fine, but why bother doing it if you're only concerned with looking pretty?  If your desire is to lose fat to be stronger for your bodyweight, than that's practical.  To cut fat because you want to be like totally shredded like those dudes in 300, broa, then all is lost for you.  Your body adapts to what you do and trying to cheat or lie about who you are is, well, lying and cheating.

There is no point in trying to look fantastic if you're incapable of performing in the way that your phenomenal body makes it appear you're able to perform.  I even mentioned this in a previous post.  If you look like Captain America but you can hardly engage in functional acts of strength (helping a friend move, hiking, fending off an attacker), then you know you're either a work in progress, which is fine, or a show dog.

Another aspect of this is pure Darwinianism.  One might argue that sexual attraction is a dominant aspect of reproductive fitness, but that's based upon the precedent that one is able to survive to reproduction and create offspring who are, in turn, fit to survive and be equally sexy.  If you're cute and attractive and foine then that's all well and good, but do you have the chops to show for it?  You've got 25" pythons or a 25" waist, but so what?  What does it mean that you have that?  Are you stronger?  Healthier?  Find ways to truly challenge yourself and make this world a better place with your newfound strength and health.

By obsessing over, and performing the act of, making your body fulfill totally subjective standards of beauty or just plain cuteness, you are surrendering yourself to be examined, judged, and criticized.  It doesn't matter if you look stronger than one if you aren't, or if you act like you're more productive than me and you aren't.  Learn to see action and not superficial traits.

Fighting Hate

Change isn't made by kindly asking people to leave, or begging for assholes to relieve themselves of some belief or position.  It's done by direct action.

From Northland News Center 5 in Duluth, MN:

Notice what happens.  The protestors are doing exactly what they should:  Physically opposing shitbag Neo-Nazis.  They block them, step in their way, throw shit, and yell at them.  They could have been all lovey-dovey with some false idea of what passive resistance is.  Instead, they made it clear that they were willing to engage in, but not willing to start, physical altercations.  Because Nazism should be eradicated.

Of interest, from the Dept. of Housing and Urban Development:

Riots in major cities follow assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Civil Rights Act of 1968 (also known as the Fair Housing Act) outlaws most housing discrimination, gives HUD enforcement responsibility. Housing Act of 1968 establishes Government National Mortgage Association (Ginnie Mae) to expand availability of mortgage funds for moderate income families using government guaranteed mortgage-backed securities.

And also:

President Lyndon Johnson utilized this national tragedy to urge for the bill's speedy Congressional approval. Since the 1966 open housing marches in Chicago, Dr. King's name had been closely associated with the fair housing legislation.

Do you see what happened here?  Martin Luther King, Jr., though he espoused non-violent resistance, was killed and his followers, who were cleverly disguised as passive victims, took up arms and set the nation ablaze.  No quiet camping outside of symbols of corruption in democracy.  No hippies on stilts with puppets of political pariahs.  Motherfuckers fought for what they knew was right and necessary, and shit got passed with unnatural haste.

We're not talking about an over-privileged, under-educated class of gun-toting white nationalist religious fundamentalists with a silly victim complex marching on Washington shouting racial slurs.  Hell, this isn't even about Neo Nazis or the KKK.  This is about fighting hate, corruption, exploitation, and abuse.  This is about telling people to shut up not because we disagree with them, but because they're arguing from a sense of revulsion because they believe in sorcery and distrust people with dark skin, and because they think homosexuality is just plain icky because, I dunno, it's just icky--blech!

As a kid, I was never able to save myself from getting my ass handed to me by having a sits-down meeting with a counselor and some idiot asshole who just wanted to pound my face in because I looked or acted different.  I've never heard of anyone talking it out with a white supremacist and actually arriving at a middle ground.  Progressives and conservatives are incapable of coming to a consensus because progressives are more (but not 100%) likely to act in the interests of our nation's citizens and the environment, but conservatives are arguing on behalf of silly mysticism.  Simply put:  There is no middle ground when there's idiotic impulsiveness about.

Perhaps there's a need for a new vocabulary, a new paradigm, for dealing with abuse and hatred.  A zero-tolerance schedule for nazis, homophobes, and sexists.  One that doesn't create a normative claim about superiority, but sustains an environment for equality for all.

New Old Short Story: Galaxy Floes

I once read an ethnography about a group of people in New Guinea (it was the Etoro, or some similar group, I think) whose language centered not around colors and movements, but sounds.  The reason:  In thick jungle, one can't rely entirely on sight and light alone, but must be able to distinguish sound from sound to survive.

Their stories were about places and things calling out to one another:  Mountains singing to rivers while trees and bushes cried out to rolling hills and planes.  The manner of communication indicated distance, direction, elevation, and its various traits.  One of the people said to an anthropologist that s/he was sad that Americans had no songs to sing about their lands, and made up some poem about a lamentation from a McDonalds to a car dealership, or some such thing.

While we discussed the article in my anthropology class, I came up with the idea for this story.  I tried to get it published in the same journal that printed Legion Heirs, but they didn't take it.

Feedback and comments are welcome, desired, and appreciated.

"Galaxy Floes" by Achilles Sangster II