Spartan Training: Getting Strong and Growing Muscles

Let me preface this by saying that I am not a particularly hugetastic fellow.  I do not have blindingly gargantuan muscles and I am not ridiculously strong.  I am not cut like a well-paid actor from a Hollywood blockbuster.  But I am just a little tougher than most common folk.  I am so because I gruelingly figured out the rules, and they are frustratingly simple.  Now I use them almost everyday because they are minimal, easy, and manifested into my regular routine.  Spartan, one might say.

1. Train your fucking ass off.  Lift heavy shit, as heavy as you fucking can.  High intensity.  Compound movements.  No more than 5-8 repetitions per set, 3-5 sets.

2. Eat a lot of food.  Good whole foods.  Whole cuts of meat and whole plant matter.  Less than 5% of what you consume should come in a package (fresh meat excepting).

That's it.  But for fun, let me extrapolate.

Train your fucking ass off.

Nobody ever told me exactly how to weight train.  Nobody gave me a single universal formula on how to get big and strong and lean.  It took research, testing, and ongoing consultation to figure out what worked well for me.  And it's really simple, but requires willpower and routinization.  Ultimately, you have to find what works for your body and your goals, and there is no one thing that works for everybody.  That's why I'm opposed to homogenized and standardized training regimens like Crossfit, Insanity, etc.  And the only way to find what works for you is by giving yourself and your body time to adapt and transform.  You must, therefore, make time in your life to train.  No excuses.  If you don't make progress, it's because you're not being consistent.  No whining.  Sorry.

• Do weight training 3-4 times per week.  If you train 3 days per week, train something like Monday, Wednesday, Friday.  Four days, Monday-Tuesday Thursday-Friday.  The rest time for your muscles is crucial, so don't do something stupid like Monday=Chest Tuesday=Shoulders; do a split.
• Figure out your one-rep-maximum for your lifts and aim to increase them over time.  To do this, get a spotter and carefully, and with good form, determine the maximum amount of weight you can lift for a given movement 3-5 times (this is most reliable, and trying to actually lift your 1rm is insane, so don't do it).  Then use a calculator, like this one from exrx.net, to find out what your 1rm is by entering the weight you lifted and the number of times you lifted it.  On the exrx calculator, your 1rm will be at the top.  From there, you can figure out how much you out to be lifting for a given number of reps according to the percentage scale at the bottom of the calculator page, though for safety's sake I'd suggest reducing those weights by about 5% and slowly increasing them over time.
• Use a simple set-rep routine.  I've tried some things out, but I keep my compound lifts down to 1-6 reps nowadays and I rest for 2-5 minutes between sets.  Types of routines you can try are 5x5, 5/3/1 (which is ridiculously hard, so always have a spotter if you do it), or even 3x8 if you're having a tough week or don't have much time on your hands.  Don't do any of the P90X style stuff, where you have to do a dozen variations of one move like squats or pushups.  Just stick to the basics.

If you're a normy who only has a little bit of time three days a week to train, then here is the routine I suggest you do:

Monday:  Bench Press, Squats, Chin-Ups (slow and with full lockout; NO KIPPING)
Wednesday:  Deadlifts, Cable or Seated Row, Dips
Friday:  Overhead Press, Barbell Curl, Lunges or Leg Press

Note that if you're training three days a week then I suggest that you work every body part each training day.  But if you have time to train 4 days a week, like I do, then train one or two body parts per day, like this (choosing your preferable rep-set range, as discussed above):

Monday:  Legs (Squat, Leg Press, Hack Squat, Back Extension)
Tuesday:  Shoulders/Biceps (Standing Overhead Press, Arnold Press, Barbell Curl, Dumbell or Cable Curl)
Thursday:  Hamstrings and Back (Deadlift, Chin Up or Lat Pulldown, Seated Row, Shrugs)
Friday:  Chest and Triceps (Bench Press, Incline Press, Cable Extension, Dips)

There is no "train one day a week" routine that works.  That's madness and will only lead to injury and disappointment.  One does not become a Zen master by meditating on his first attempt, nor does he do so by sitting quietly once a month.  He becomes a Zen master by consistent exposure, rigorous practice (or perhaps consistent but mindful non-practice, if we really want to be realistic), and sticktoitiveness. 

Eat a lot of food.

A lot of people will talk about stoking your metabolism by eating twenty fingernail-sized meals per day, while others might espouse the glories of intermittent fasting or dietary fads.  It's simpler than that, though.

• Eat a lot of protein.  I prefer to (and must) eat meat, and I won't judge you if you're a vegan.  But you have to eat a lot of protein with every meal.  As for fat content, if you're aiming for weight gain (which is the boat I'm in), then it doesn't make too much of a difference.  I try to get about 40-60 grams of protein with my four daily meals.
• Eat good plant matter.  I don't eat bread, but feel free to.  I also only eat two plants:  Brown rice (at lunch) and sweet potatoes (at dinner).  Otherwise, I'm an all meat-and-milk guy.    If you choose to eat cereal (again, I won't judge you), then stick with plain oatmeal and fresh fruit and skip the styrofoamy GoLean garbage
• Make your own food as often as possible.  Processed meals, fast food, and products that end with "-Pocket", "-O's", or "-Tarts" tend to have useless shit in them.

I eat just about the same few things everyday, and I honestly do not get tired of it.  It gives me (gasp!) consistency and, for me, digests easily because I have dainty, prissy intestines that aren't fond of abrupt changes.  What are those meals?

Breakfast: Scrambled eggs with sausages
Lunch:  Brown rice and ground turkey
Pre-Dinner Nightmare:  A cup of Fage yogurt and a chicken breast.
Dinner:  Mashed sweet potato and ground beef

If you are so inclined, you can go ahead and look into the science of this whole matter.  Doctor Bojan Kostevski does a good job of this in his "Geek Fridays" posts.  He is fucking brilliant.  Find an article that works for you and find a way to apply it to your goals.  Kostevski galvanizes and makes sense of the details, but for me it can get a little overwhelming at times.

When it comes down to it, do you think bareknuckle boxers of old, Spartans, your farmer predecessors (who were totally ripped, by the way), or your slave ancestors worried about when they ate what, how frequently they trained, or whether they had their BCAAs before a day of backbreaking, potentially fatal labor?  They just lifted heavy shit and then ate as much as they could.  A simple, spartan training system is the best way to emulate the strength of our forebears.

The main factor, though, is willpower and routinization.  If you're constantly worried about little things--about how lean you look, about things outside of your training that are distracting, or if you needlessly introduce stress into your life--then this will be difficult.  Choose your priorities, simplify, and streamline your life to work around the things you want to be doing.  If training isn't your thing, then so be it; just be sure you've found a way to focus on what matters most to you.